I sometimes get what I like to think of as "a little down" but what can probably be called ennui. The complete lack of motivation to do anything, much less to move in one direction or another.
I think part of the problem is also that I have too many directions to move in and none are more appealing than the others.
I could apply for a new position at work. I could find a different job, one that's full time and actually pays enough for me to live on my own. I could move to a different city to start over. I could go back to school. I could...
There's more, but they get wilder and more risky (and I am risk-averse to a ridiculous extent) the more I go on. Each of them sounds appealing, though, in those moments when I just want to say "Fuck it!" and do something crazy.
I think it's only because I live far enough outside of town that doing anything crazy requires at least a half-hour drive that I don't do anything crazy.
Eventually, I have to make a decision. I can't keep living with my parents and paying only the minimum of bills.
But first I have to pay off my credit cards, and my car, and hopefully take a chunk out of student loans. Until then, anything more extreme will have to wait.
It's totally both.
No comments:
Post a Comment